Miracles are not accepted by Science. However, of late, scientists all over the world are baffled, and (secretly, of course) excited at the prospect of a miracle occurring right before their eyes. Says one scientist from CERN, “Christians believe Jesus was born and walked this earth. Hindus believe Rama fought an epic battle with Ravana. But we have seen nothing of the sort, and we have no reason to believe any of that. However, what you are about to see is nothing short of a miracle. This, though, cannot be explained. It is said even Stephen Hawking is confounded.” It all started when Ricky Bhattacharjee, a mechanical engineering student from Yet Another College of Engineering (YACE), got placed in NASA as technical analyst for one of NASA’s secret missions to the Sun. When undergoing a Brain Scan at NASA’s Medical Centre in Houston, doctors say they recorded activity from Ricky’s brain. Dr. Fisher, neurologist, says, “Yes, I was the first one to notice the activity. It is unheard of! Brain activity in an Indian Engineer after four years of study! We thought there was some error in the machine, so we ran the scan again. But we saw the same waves again: his brain was working.” Ricky was then subjected to 12 hours of cross-examination to check if he had been planted there by enemy scientists/terrorists/aliens. But they couldn’t find any flaw in his story. Says Dr. Armstrong, astronaut at NASA, “I believe this is the first time in history that any of this has happened. Usually engineers from India come with the standard set of brain patterns with differential equations, finite element methods and a lack of social skills. This was different. So different in fact, that the doctors were certain he was an imposter and were ready to send him to Guantanamo.” Ricky is currently at a conference at CERN, where he is delivering a speech on how he managed to retain his brain activity despite his education in India. NTMN managed to lay its hands on excerpts from the classified speech, where Ricky explains, “… the education system in India is designed to damp the brain activity of lakhs of students every year. With the 40–45 courses that an average Indian engineer takes for his degree, the text books are filled with material that slowly but surely destroys all grey cell activity. I was one of the lucky few who never studied from books. As professors never come to class themselves, we can’t study from notes, like in the IITs and NITs. That is why they don’t lose brain activity either. I studied from the notes of a friend in IIT Bombay. Hence my miracle…” That may be so, but scientists are still trying to figure out what content in these books damps the brain activity. If they find the source, they might be able to reverse it and create books that would exponentially increase brain activity. We could in theory, have Megamind. Until then, the case of Ricky will be treated with reverence and amazement, and nothing but Divine Intervention can explain why he did not pick up his books like all the other students in his class.
This post was published under the Satire section of News That Matters Not. You can find the post here.